


although they are only breath

by growlery writes (growlery)



Category: Friends at the Table (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F, Jossed, Multi, Other, canon-typical sadness, completely and entirely jossed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-22
Updated: 2018-06-22
Packaged: 2019-05-26 17:33:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15005870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/growlery/pseuds/growlery%20writes
Summary: There’s something between Fourteen and Tender that isn’t new, exactly, but feels newly cemented, something that doesn’t so much exclude [Signet] as make her feel like she’s watching from somewhere far away.





	although they are only breath

**Author's Note:**

> for heliothaumic as part of the fatt rarepair swap, i'm so sorry it's so late! hope you enjoy.

“The Beloved Dust, back together again,” Tender says, slinging an arm around Fourteen and [Signet] as they board the ship. 

“Just like old times,” Fourteen agrees, but they’re only looking at each other. 

There’s something between Fourteen and Tender that isn’t new, exactly, but feels newly cemented, something that doesn’t so much exclude [Signet] as make her feel like she’s watching from somewhere far away. 

Tender’s arm leaves [Signet]’s shoulder as they board the ship, and [Signet] tries not to notice its absence, tries not to feel it, tries, tries. 

She almost manages, until she goes to find Tender to join her on a call with Blueberri Gin and finds her in a room with the door ajar with Fourteen in her lap and they’re not kissing but they might as well be for all the space there is between their mouths, noses brushing, foreheads resting together. They don’t notice her approach, talking quietly between themselves, too quietly for [Signet] to hear. 

She turns and leaves, careful to quiet her footsteps. 

*

There’s a knock at [Signet]’s door, which is open, as it always is. [Signet] doesn’t look up. 

“Come in, Fourteen,” she says. 

Fourteen settles next to her, playing with their hands. “I, uh,” they say. “I’m feeling a bit under the weather. Would you- I know you’re sort of a doctor now. Can you just check there’s nothing horribly wrong?”

[Signet] smiles. “Of course, Fourteen.”

She’s not really that sort of doctor, but she can take their vitals, check for the most obvious. Everything seems fine. They haven’t stopped fidgeting. 

“How’s your condition?” she asks, and Fourteen gives a short laugh. 

“I don’t know. I haven’t died in a while. I’m kind of scared of what would happen if I did.”

[Signet] nods. She rests a comforting hand on their shoulder; it seems appropriate. Fourteen does stop fidgeting, a little. 

“There’s no cure, you know,” they say, quietly. She does know; she wonders if they don’t remember discussing it with her, the first time they came back wearing a different body. “I’m just- one day, I’m just going to die.”

[Signet] doesn’t know what to say. [Signet] always knows what to say, but this is an indiscriminately difficult truth to which all responses seem trite and incomplete. 

“We all will,” she says, “one day.”

Fourteen looks up at her. Their smile is watery but genuine, and [Signet] feels it reflected on her own face. “Very true.”

“Any problems,” she says, “don’t hesitate to come to me.”

Fourteen’s eyes linger on her for a moment, and then they nod. “Of course. Thank you, [Signet].”

*

“Tender,” Fourteen says, suddenly, “I have to tell you something.”

There’s an urgency in their voice; Signet looks between them and Tender and says, “I can leave.”

Fourteen turns to look at [Signet]. She wonders if they forgot she was there. “No, I- stay. You should stay.”

“What is it?” Tender asks softly. She touches their arm and Fourteen’s eyes squeeze shut. 

“I forgot something. Something big. Something horrible.” For a moment, they visibly struggle to go on. “I didn’t remember, I was told. Just before the Miracle. I- I wanted to tell you, I’ve been trying to find a way to tell you, but there’s never a good time, I don’t-”

“It’s okay, Fourteen,” Tender says, but now she sounds uncertain. “Take your time.”

Fourteen takes a deep, shaky breath. “I don’t work for Castlerose any more. But I worked for her for a long time. I was working for her when I joined the Beloved.”

“This is all stuff we know, Fourteen,” Tender says, “it’s okay. We don’t judge you for-”

“You should.” Fourteen looks down, takes another deep breath. “I wasn’t just working for Castlerose at the same time as I joined the Beloved. I was on a mission. I-” Tears fill their eyes, and Tender still looks confused, hopelessly so, but there’s a hardness forming in [Signet]’s chest. 

“Tender was your mission,” she says, toneless. 

Tender exhales sharply. She flinches back from Fourteen. 

“I’m so sorry,” Fourteen stumbles out, “I don’t remember agreeing to it, I don’t remember anything about it, and I know that doesn’t make it okay but-”

“Who,” Tender asks. Her voice is so steady. 

Fourteen says, “ _ _Tender__ ,” on an exhale, and it’s heavier with more than just their breath. 

“Who hired you,” she says, “to kill me.”

Fourteen licks their lips, looks down “Open Metal hired me to kill you.”

Tender stands up abruptly, and in a flash of her tail and a slam of the door, she’s gone. 

Fourteen looks stricken. [Signet] doesn’t know who to go to here, how to cross this chasm that’s opened up between them, pull it shut. 

She makes a decision. “I’ll make sure she’s okay,” she says, then pauses. “Make sure you’re okay, Fourteen.”

Fourteen’s next breath sounds choked out of them. They nod, look away as [Signet] leaves. 

*

“So,” Tender says, “Advent, huh.” 

[Signet] grimaces. “We did the best we could with the options available to us. Believe me, it wasn't my first choice, either.”

“Diplomatic as ever,” Tender says lightly. “We've been catching a lot of heat for it. I don't know what I would've done, if it were me.”

[Signet] twists out a smile. “No doubt you'd have found a better outcome. That was incredible, what you did for the Ark.”

It’s Tender’s turn to grimace. “Yeah,” she draws out. “I'm still not sure it was the right call, you know? They're kids. Vanya’s barely more than a kid. Obviously they shouldn't have to just go back to their parents, but someone should be looking out for them.”

“It wasn't an easy call to make,” [Signet] says. “We don't get many of those, these days.”

“Did we ever?” Tender says on a soft laugh, and [Signet] looks down, smiles. 

“You ever miss it?” Tender asks, after a moment. “Being the Beloved?”

She doesn’t say __the Mirage, before all of this__ , but [Signet] hears it all the same. 

“Every day,” she says frankly. “But we can't go back to that. We have to make the best of what we have.”

“And before that?” Tender asks. “Before we lost all the divines.”

[Signet] stiffens. “Belgard-” 

“You know what I mean, [Signet].”

“Of course I do,” she says, can’t keep the frustration out of her voice. “Everything is different now, and I might long for simpler days, but I'd be fooling myself if I thought they were better days.”

There’s a look on Tender’s face that [Signet] can’t parse. She has so many new layers that [Signet] still has to learn. 

“Do you miss working with us?” Tender asks, and [Signet] startles a little. She wasn’t expecting that question, but she supposes now that she should have. 

“I- of course. But I work well with Echo and Even, and you work well with Fourteen. That must be the priority.”

Tender’s face goes hard and soft all at once. “A working relationship based on lies. Or hidden truths. I don’t know. It’s- it's fine, whatever, they didn't know. But after they found out… they could've told me.”

“What would have been different then?” she asks, even though she’s sure she knows. It’s the unspoken thing between, nothing new but solidified, now. 

Tender sighs. Her tail is pricked, and the tension is obvious in every line of her body. She needs to relax, and [Signet] knows how she can help. She produces the brush from her medical kit - how it ended up there, she has no idea, but she’s grateful for whatever foresight made her include it. 

Tender’s shoulders go slack at the sight of the brush, and she leans across to pillow her head in [Signet]’s lap, as she’s done many times before. Just like every time before, [Signet]’s heart rate picks up, and now as she did then, she ignores it. 

[Signet] runs the brush through Tender’s hair to start, scraping her fingers through particularly tangled sections to ease the way. She could never hurt Tender like this, she knows, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t want to be careful. She can already feel Tender settling on top of her; she’ll have Tender purring before long if she keeps this up. 

She doesn’t get the chance; there’s a knock at the door and Fourteen ducks their head inside. Their gaze flicks to Tender in [Signet]’s lap, and their face does something complicated; it could be jealousy, [Signet] thinks. She’s not sure she doesn’t want it to be. 

“[Signet], Tender,” they say, acknowledging them both in turn. They pause, clear their throat. “May I join you?”

[Signet] looks down at Tender. Tender looks at Fourteen for a long, long time, and then says, “Yeah,” like it’s weighted with so much more. 

Fourteen smile is hopeful, and they come to sit next to [Signet], lifting Tender’s legs to shimmy underneath them. Tender shifts, makes a vague groaning sound, then settles in a way that presents her tail to Fourteen. [Signet] sees Fourteen grin. 

She passes the brush to them and runs her fingers through Tender’s hair instead. She doesn’t feel like she’s intruding, this time, and she smiles. 


End file.
